When's my Tax quiz? Tomorrow.
How much do I know? Nothing.
When's my Auditing midterm, and how much do I know for that? A week from now, and, surprisingly, NOTHING.

Frankly, I don't know if a test in the MIDDLE OF SEPTEMBER qualifies as a midterm anyway... :P

When I took my Computer Auditing course this summer, I thought, "Wow, this is going really fast, but that's probably because this course is only about a month long." But no. I was wrong. It was the other reason, apparently: 4th-year classes just. go. this. fast. Like, as a rule. Theygothisfast, right away! Who gives a midterm this early?? Arrgh.

Anyway, um, I should be, like, going over my notes or something like that. Tax quiz tomorrow that will only go for 10 minutes and rumor has it that it's multiple-choice, but still -- course outline says it's worth 10 percent of our final grade, so it can't be THAT easy, right? Besides, I haven't even looked at my notes yet.

And for Auditing? I just took the readings package out of the cling wrap. Well hey, this is still an improvement over first year, in which my Intro to Economics textbook sat, in its clingfilm, in the plastic bag the cashier put it in when I bought it, in the corner of my dorm room where I placed it after bringing it back with me from the store. Hmm. Guess that auspicious start should have told me something, eh?

Okay, back to the books. Theoretically. Observe how much I DON'T care. I was watching the first half of House earlier, and on my first attempt to leave the room I sighed, "I have more care to stay than will to go..." (Yes, I am a geek. What's your point?) Consequently, I stayed. Damn. You know that "time management" thing? Yeah. I don't.

Captioning Cronenberg

I don't know about all of you, but I think this'd be a fun picture to caption. :)

Professor Emeritus

My friend Michelle and I walked for about 35 minutes today with this 86- or 87-year-old man (he told us his age twice, and those two ages are what he told us, so...um...yes.) who had a bad back and walked somewhat unsteadily. Don't know what he teaches, but he told us he was a Professor Emeritus from some other university. But anyhow, I'll tell you how all this began.

So at about 11:30 AM, our group for Auditing class finishes discussing our new assignment, and head out of the building to go and photocopy some things. Just outside the building, we encounter Professor Emeritus ("PE"), who asks whether we're students at the university, and we answer in the affirmative. And then, I'm fairly certain he asked if one of us could help him walk to the library, so Michelle says okay, and I say I'll go with them, too. The other half of our group goes off to do the photocopying, and we head off in the other direction, down the street.

Okay, so we're off, walking south down the sidewalk of this street. PE asks if we've got parents or grandparents around his age, and we say, yes, our grandparents (my grandmother's 95). We walk for a little while longer until we approach the library. "You're going here, right?" Michelle asks PE, who responds with something slightly unintelligible and then says, "Why don't we stop at the next corner?", which we agree to.

So...before we get to the corner, he stops suddenly (well, as suddenly as it gets when you're moving that slowly), saying, "Okay, let's stop now." And just as Michelle and I think maybe we're no longer needed, he says, "Let's turn around." Um...okay... so we head back up north the same street, and he says we're very nice, and he reiterates that if he needs to grab one of our arms, that he's not doing it because he's "gay" (and here I was thinking the term had something to do with people being the same gender, but what do I know? I'm only 22.), and says that we probably have parents or grandparents his age. So on the way back up to where we started from, he says, "Do either of you know where Prince Arthur Avenue is?" And we both say no, and start to worry that he doesn't actually know where he's going. I don't know how we'd get that impression, what with him walking down and up the same street, with a bad back and wanting people nearby to help. But anyway, he says it's at the next light, which makes us even more concerned, since the next light is Bloor Street. So...we just keep going, 'cause what else can we do? When the ground is uneven he does need to grab my arm for support, which I'm fairly used to from helping out my grandmother. We've got class at 12, and the clock is ticking, but we can't just leave the guy alone...

So we pass Bloor Street, and Michelle whispers urgently, "Where are we going?" and I kind of shrug covertly and silently hope that Prince Arthur Avenue is actually here. PE says it's the next street, and we are quite relieved when the street sign comes into view confirming this fact.

By this time it's about 10 minutes before the official start of class, and we'd really rather get going, but I saw the address he had written down, and it's on this street, and honestly, we really cannot just leave. Besides, he's a nice (if a little offputting) old man, and he's saying, "I understand if you have to leave, but if you could just walk with me down [this street] that would be [great]." Well hey, we've still got 10 minutes, right? And even if we're late, at least we have a good reason. So okay, we walk down Prince Arthur with him, hoping that his building will turn up soon. He says we're being very nice to him, and that our grandparents would probably appreciate hearing about how we helped an old man (yes, if my grandmother and I spoke the same language, maybe she would), and to please stay with him (as in beside him...I was beside him the whole time, but I think he had to be able to see me in order to feel secure that help was nearby), and that we were both being very nice.

We finally get to his building (he doesn't live there; a friend does) and before the front door, he says, "You probably want to leave now...It's always nice to have someone help me go up the elevator to my door, but if you'd like, we can just say goodbye now." I take that as our cue and say, "So, you can take it from here?" But apparently, by "now", he means after we actually help him through the door to the building. Thankfully there is a doorman there who knows PE, and so we leave PE with him, PE thanks us again and wishes us good lives, and off we go, with a whole 5 minutes in which to get to class.

We get to class and our 2 group members are like, "Where did YOU guys go?" And Michelle and I are like, "I don't know, I thought we were just gonna walk down the street!" And anyway, it was amusing, and we got to help somebody, and we even got to class on time. Go us. :)

The Emmys get LOST

Whee, the Emmy Awards were on tonight, and LOST won for best Drama Series! Whoa. Totally didn't expect that. The show also won for best Directing for a Drama Series (for "Pilot (Part 1 & Part 2)", the most appropriately-titled pilot episode I've ever seen) -- against the CSI season finale directed by Quentin freakin' Tarantino. Like, dude. I really enjoyed that CSI episode, but I also enjoyed the LOST pilot, and seeing as my loyalties lie with LOST, I was glad J.J. Abrams won. :D

Also worth sticking around for was watching Kristen Bell (of Veronica Mars fame) sing the theme song from Fame, complete with '80s getup and backup dancers. Hee. Unfortunately, she lost "Emmy Idol" to Donald Trump & Megan Mullally because...well, Donald Trump. Singing. Hello. Also, I'm certain it's because I didn't vote. Yes. That's why Veronica Kristen Bell didn't win. All my fault. Apologies. :)

Anyhoodle, for all those of you who actually care (I've been talking to myself a lot, lately...why not keep the trend going?), here's the run-down on the awards LOST won.

- Outstanding Casting for a Drama Series
- Outstanding Single-Camera Picture Editing for a Drama Series: Pilot (Parts 1 & 2)
- Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Dramatic Underscore): Pilot
- Outstanding Special Visual Effects for a Series: Pilot (Parts 1 & 2)
- Outstanding Directing for a Drama Series: J.J. Abrams, Pilot (Parts 1 & 2)
- Outstanding Drama Series (other nominees were Deadwood, Six Feet Under, 24, and The West Wing)

(Hmm, I guess the Academy really liked the pilot. Well, so did I, so no complaints there. Besides, I think it's actually the most expensive pilot ever, so...you know, at least it had good results!)

Okay, so I admit that I haven't done anything today that could remotely be considered "work", even by those defining the word incorrectly. And honestly, I don't even really know what I've been doing that's taken up the last, oh, 6 hours or so. I mean, there's been some extensive browsing/exploring/oohing/aahing/creating over on CafePress.com (which, technically, is a procrastinatory activity that began yesterday), but beyond that, there must have been something else. Sent a couple of e-mails, that doesn't take too long...oh, and I helped my brother do a few things online...and yeah, I guess that's it. My shiny new tax textbook (one of three) is open in front of me, on the first page of Chapter One. Hmm.

Anyway, earlier today, I was thinking about careers and stuff...y'know, all that important crap. You'd think I have a career plan by now, but any plan I do have is not 100%, really, when I think about it enough. So anyway, somehow I started thinking about Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Belle -- she was smart, intelligent, loved to read, had a vivid imagination and courage... but at the end of her story, all that happens is that she marries the prince. But, I mean...does that mean she's just gonna be a stay-at-home princess? I'm sure she had something in mind for her life. Something more than a provincial life, say? And I KNOW the prince has a large book collection and a castle and all that, but is that really enough? Belle had potential...I just wonder what would have happened to it after she became royalty. At least her father would get more grant money to work on his inventions...

Humorous grammar rules

Courtesy of my Linguistics prof., from our course website.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don't.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive

14. All generalizations are bad.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Don't overuse exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with words' that show possession.

27. Don't use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters

35. People don't spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.

36. Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly

37. All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morgan's Law.

38. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

39. The dash – a sometimes useful punctuation mark – can often be overused – even though it's a helpful tool some of the time.

40. Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words.

41. In writing, it's important to remember that dangling sentences.

41. When numbering in a written document, check your numbering system carefully.

42. It is important to use italics for emphasis sparingly.

43. In good writing, for good reasons, under normal circumstances, whenever you can, use prepositional phrases in limited numbers and with great caution.

44. Avoid going out on tangents unrelated to your subject -- not the subject of a sentence -- that's another story (like the stories written by Ernest Hemingway, who by the way wrote the great fisherman story The Old Man and the Sea).

45. Complete sentences. Like rule 10.

46. Unless you're a righteous expert don't try to be too cool with slang to which you're not hip.

47. If you must use slang, avoid out-of-date slang. Right on!

48. You'll look poorly if you misuse adverbs.

49. Use the ellipsis ( . . . ) to indicate missing . . .

50. Use brackets to indicate that you [ not Shakespeare, for example ] are giving people [ in your class ] information so that they [ the people in your class ] know about whom you are speaking. But do not use brackets when making these references [ to other authors ] excessively.

51. Note: People just can't stomach too much use of the colon.

52. Between good grammar and bad grammar, good grammar is the best.

53. There are so many great grammar rules that I can't decide between them.

54. In English, unlike German, the verb early in the sentence, not later, should be placed.

55. When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.

(Prof's note: This list is based on material collected by me over the past 20 years while teaching. Additions have come from the collections or creations of fellow teachers, friends, and visitors to the Creative Teaching Web Site. The rules I've obtained from outside sources were created by people I know, or were identified as written anonymously, or gave no indication of authorship. Many are my own original creations.

However, a recent visitor to the Creative Teaching Web Site informed me that some of the rules were originally part of or based on work by William Safire in his book Fumble-Rules. One web site suggests that some of them may also have appeared in a New York Times Magazine article by Mr. Safire, in which case credit for some of these rules goes to Mr. William Safire. I'm looking for a copy of Fumble-Rules and I've written to Mr. Safire seeking confirmation and permission to include any that are his creations.)

---

Also, for anyone who read all of those, here's a link to the new Goblet of Fire trailer! Click. Except for, you know, the one person most likely to have enjoyed reading that list, since she can't actually use Quicktime on her computer. :)

A hint of promise

In this week from hell that may as well be called "Recruiting Week" -- in which I attempt to impress accounting firm reps enough so that they actually consider me vaguely qualified to work at their firms -- today's Astrology.com horoscopes are, like, the only sign of hope thus far.

Daily Overview Horoscope: Stay motivated when it comes to your career. You're on the verge of something truly great, and even the biggest skeptics will be convinced of the value of your work when they see how it benefits everyone on the staff.

Daily Quickie Horoscope: It might not seem possible, but it is! Don't put up barriers that don't exist.

Daily Extended Horoscope: It's time to pay strict attention to the input that you're actually getting, instead of hearing what you want to hear and going your merry way. If you can remove your ego from the situation, you'll find it surprisingly helpful and not as distasteful or difficult as you imagined. Not only that, but you'll see immediate ways to improve what you do as well as how you do it. Improved finances and a more public role at work lie ahead.

Right. Well, assuming I get through this week from hell (and um, the the long 2-4 weeks following it), I'll let you know if any of this actually turned out to be right. :)

Yesterday on the news there was a report on this Dallas to Toronto flight upon which some Canadian survivors of Hurricane Katrina were boarded. And they must have thought that they could finally relax on their way home...except that, upon arrival in Toronto, all the passengers (and their carry-ons) had to emergency evacuate the plane via those inflatable slides you always see in airline safety videos. Apparently, the plane ran into a truck on the runway...? But why would there be a truck on the runway at all...?

Anyway, I can't find any mention of this incident online, but I just thought that was interesting. Nobody was injured, but they must have been thinking, "Oh no, what NOW?"

In other news, CDBaby.com has a list of CDs available by certain artists for which all sales proceeds will be donated to the Red Cross. I've ordered from CD Baby before and it worked out dandily. Mostly the site sells albums by indie/small-label artists, so if you're looking for something that's a bit harder to find, this site's a good place to search.

Also, don't forget to click for free once a day at the Hunger Site.

Whoosh

For about the last 10 minutes, there's been this loud whooshing sound outside going past -- sounds just like a plane passing by overhead, except that there isn't one. The sound could be from anywhere -- the sounds of cars when they honk even sound like they're just outside our window instead of 30+ floors down from here. So...I really have no idea. Could it be the wind, or something? But then the whooshing is pretty loud, and the water doesn't look like it's being pushed by a wind that's whooshing like that. Odd. Quite odd.

But at any rate, it seems to have gone away now, so...good, I guess.

Last night I went to Dave and Buster's with my brother, which was fun and only set me back $27. Mostly because my brother gave me some of his game credits on cards he wasn't going to use anymore (when you play a game, you swipe your card instead of that "insert a coin" thing). But anyway, it amused me 'cause we started at 9pm and the night before that one, I went to bed at 9. So...yeah, that might not be all that funny to any of you, but I thought it was, like, ironic or something. Possibly only in the Alanis way; I don't know.